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Website owner Ken "The Shrink" Weitzner, who operated Eye on Gambling (www.eog.com) and committed suicide last week, eerily spoke about considering suicide in a post he made on EOG more than four years ago.
In a post in the EOG posting forum dated March 5, 2006, Weitzner wrote: "For many years, I drank and drugged excessively because those chemicals made me feel good. No matter how stressful a day I was having, I knew that by 5 p.m., the alcohol was there to drink and calm me down. And it did!
"For what it is worth, I did not accept that I had a drinking problem, despite getting a total of 12 DUIs between 1980 and 2000. You see, I hired the best lawyers, who were able to wipe most of them clean or, at the very least, reduce others to reckless driving. I could have KILLED some innocent bystander along the way, but that never stopped me from getting behind the wheel of my car while inebriated!
"As the years passed, I continued to drink and drug excessively. Instead of simply wanting a drink, I needed three. Happy Hour began earlier and earlier. I did start noticing alcohol was no longer my best friend, but rather, my worst enemy. It was interfering in every aspect of my life. But, I could not stop.
"One of the most pathetic examples of drinking involved betting over $100,000 on three different occasions on sports teams I knew little about. In fact, the only time I WON was gambling on Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals two years ago. I never even bet hockey before! One prominent sportsbook could discern I was 'toasted.' He called someone else to tell them about it and asked if he should book the bet. Thankfully, he did.
"But the other two occasions amounted to substantial losses. I didn't even know the exact figure was more than $200,000 until I called each offshore operator the next day to find out the total. And for those of you wondering, I did NOT ask to hear the tapes because I was ashamed. I did not want to hear my slurred speech and belligerent attitude.
"I knew I was an alcoholic and addict, but yet I could not stop. My friends and family were always the main victims of my selfishness. I neglected them, lied to them, cheated and no one trusted me any more. Imagine that.
"I had been in and out of treatment centers five times, but that did not stop me from drinking or drugging. I continued to choose alcohol ahead of everything else that was important to me in my life, especially my wife. I couldn't even look myself in the mirror any more because I hated what I saw and my skin color changed somewhere between yellow and ashen gray. I looked like a pineapple.
"As things got worse, I even thought of suicide. I searched Google extensively for painless ways to die. Believe it or not, I read that drowning was actually supposed to be euphoric, but the thought of water filling my lungs and suffocation did not appeal to me.
"Then, when I least expected it, something was about to happen that would change my life completely around for the better. I was about to learn how to stay sober one day at a time, and sometimes, one hour at a time. For me, that something is indeed Alcoholics Anonymous. I had written this earlier today, without intending on sharing it since I only have one month in the program. But, if my story inspires even one person to get help or change, then it is worth it.
"A.A. has worked thus far, and I realize it is a daily journey. Where it will end, I haven't a clue. But for today, I look forward to my meetings, I have a sponsor, and most important of all, I don't drink or use. No doctor in the world was able to cure me of my problems...Peace, The Shrink."
By Tom Somach
Gambling911.com Staff Writer
