Somach: Fantasy Tweets From Our Favorite Poker Stars

In recent days, two top poker professionals have begun regularly disseminating their thoughts via Twitter, the latest E-method of instant communication.

Twitter messages, called Tweets, are similar to short e-mails and can be received on Blackberries and other electronic devices, or be viewed on the Internet.

Phil "Poker Brat" Hellmuth was the first major poker figure to start Tweeting regularly? when he begun doing so last month.

A few weeks later, another big poker name, Daniel "Kid Poker" Negreanu, announced he too would begin Tweeting on a regular basis.

A check of Hellmuth's Tweets at http://twitter.com/phil_hellmuth reveals that many, if not most, of his Tweets are about famous people he meets or knows.

For Hellmuth, apparently, Twitter is just the latest way to engage in his second-favorite activity: name-dropping.

A check of Negreanu's Tweets at http://twitter.com/realkidpoker reveals that many, if not most, of his Tweets are about alcohol and drinking.

For Negreanu, apparently, Twitter is just the latest way to talk about his second-favorite activity: boozing.

All this Tweeting got PokerHelper.com wondering what other poker icons will start Tweeting on a regular basis, and what would they say?

Here are some IMAGINARY Tweets we IMAGINE one might hear if certain poker pros were to start Tweeting:

ANNIE DUKE: "Why am I a Duke? I should be a Duchess, I'm a girl" and "My real last name is Lederer. Why am I still using the last name of a guy I divorced years ago?"

HOWARD "THE PROFESSOR" LEDERER: "Contrary to popular belief, I really am more famous than my sister."

DOYLE "TEXAS DOLLY" BRUNSON: "I'd like to kill the guy who nicknamed me Dolly" and "The stupidest thing I ever did in my life was writing a book giving away all my poker secrets."

BARRY GREENSTEIN: "You know all that crap you've heard about me giving all my poker earnings to charity? It's just that-crap. I keep everything. I'm a greedy bastard just like everyone else."

CHRIS MONEYMAKER: "Guess what? I've made more money off my name than off my poker skills."

JOHNNY "THE ORIENT EXPRESS" CHAN: "Believe it or not, I hate chop suey."

JOE HACHEM: "These freakin' kangaroos are driving me nuts. I'm moving back to Lebanon."

GREG "FOSSILMAN" RAYMER: "Don't tell anyone, but occasionally I snag a second desert."

JAMIE GOLD: "I really am a TV producer. Haven't you seen my IMDB page? Oh, never mind."

TODD "SON OF DOYLE" BRUNSON: "If my last name wasn't Brunson, I'd be a garbageman."

PHIL "UNABOMBER" LAAK: "When I was a kid, I liked torturing animals."

THOMAS "AMARILLO SLIM" PRESTON JR.: "I trademarked the name Amarillo Slim years ago, but now that I'm a confessed child molester I should trademark Amarillo Slime too."

ALEX "THE MAD RUSSIAN" KRAVCHENKO: "Me love capitalism!"

PHIL "POISON" IVEY: "My perpetual deer-in-the-headlights look is really a ruse to protect my tells" and "Anybody wanna play gin rummy for a million dollars a point?"

CHRIS "JESUS" FERGUSON: "I'd like to shave but I'm waiting for Noxzema to offer me a million bucks to do it on TV."

JENNIFER HARMAN: "Me and Gary Coleman, poster kids for dialysis."

MIKE "THE MOUTH" MATUSOW: "Anybody got any ‘ludes?"

Thomas Somach, www.pokerhelper.com