Bet Which Animal South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem Kills Next
South Dakota Governor Noem has killed her VP chances. That’s not the only thing she’s killed.
Up until now, Noem's claim to fame was encouraging South Dakota residents to just die during the Covid pandemic … and many did.
Noem this weekend has come under fire for writing a memoir in which she graphically details the brutal slaying of her pet puppy for "ruining a hunting trip" then, as if to fulfill her blood lust, shoots and kills an innocent goat for good measure, needing two bullets to get the job done as he was "nasty".
Republicans and Democrats alike were aghast.
We have posted odds on her next kill. Discretion is advised. All animals listed are mammals. Birds and reptiles not including among these odds. No farm animals either as we get the impression that's pretty routine with her.
White Tail Deer/Moose (-140)
The white tail deer is the most common big game animal in Noem's home state of South Dakota, making it the favorite as her next kill.
The moose is the largest and heaviest extant cousin of Bambi. It is also the second largest mammal by body mass that thrives in North America after the bison. Officials say moose are a rare sight in South Dakota, but they have passed through before.. The closest moose populations to South Dakota are in the Bighorn Mountains in Wyoming and the Turtle Mountains in North Dakota.
Thankfully that's close to 350 miles away from the governor's mansion.
Rabbit (3-1 Odds)
Rabbit - everybody’s favorite Easter animal or - if you're Glenn Close - a delicious stew.
I'm ashamed to admit this but two of my own relatives were animal lovers. Both had pet rabbits. Their moms - my great aunts - killed and ate them for no apparent reason.
Both told their sobbing daughters they died of natural causes. Neither of these relatives were ever told and would go to their graves not knowing what really happened to Fluffy and Thumper. We all knew. Just like all of America now knows Kristi Noem is a puppy killer. The difference between Noem and my two crazy German sadistic great aunts: They made sure everyone in the family stayed quiet, and we did. No memoir was ever written.
Horse (20-1 Odds)
This might be one animal she avoids killing, unless it kicks her.
With the Kentucky Derby just days away, here are your latest odds:
1 Dornoch +2000
2 Sierra Leone +300
3 Mystik Dan +2200
4 Catching Freedom +900
5 Catalytic +3500
6 Just Steel +2300
7 Honor Marie +1900
8 Just a Touch +1100
9 Encino +2000
10 TO Password +3500
11 Forever Young +900
12 Track Phantom +2000
13 West Saratoga +5000
14 Endlessly +2800
15 Domestic Product +2900
16 Grand Mo the First +5000
17 Fierceness +250
18 Stronghold +1800
19 Resilience +2000
20 Society Man +4000
Buffalo/Bison (8-1 Odds)
The state of South Dakota is home to more bison than any other with Nebraska coming in second. At the beginning of 2023, South Dakota was home to some 40,000 Buffalo.
Bison are social, smart and certainly curious…. Hopefully intelligent enough to stay far away from the Governors Mansion.
Zoo Animal (30-1 Odds)
Years ago Denmark was condemned by the world for killing a perfectly healthy giraffe and feeding the carcass to lions also housed at the zoo. The Two-Way Bengt Holst at the time said euthanizing the two-year-old giraffe, named Marius, was for the good of the greater giraffe population and it also served as an opportunity to "educate people."
Unfortunately South Dakota is home to Great Plains Zoo, the perfect killing grounds for The Slayer of Pierre. Plains Zoo is a leader in conservation, education, and discovery in Sioux Falls! The Zoo's collection includes tigers, giraffe, rhinos, zebras, and an award-winning snow monkey exhibit.
Pray for the snow monkeys please.
Read: Governor Noem VP Odds Tanking
Primate/Human (40-1 Odds)
The human being is a primate that makes up approximately 99.9 percent of our readership here at Gambling911.com.
They are great apes characterized by their hairlessness (see G911 founder), bipedalism, and high intelligence. Humans have large brains, enabling more advanced cognitive skills that enable them to thrive and adapt in varied environments, develop highly complex tools, and form complex social structures and civilizations. And some of these primates voted for Ms. Noem.
Long odds to be sure at 40-1. But it’s common knowledge that future serial killers start off with killing small defenseless animals then graduate to humans. We’re not calling the Governor a serial killer by any stretch of the imagination. Never-the-less, if you type in "Kristi Noem Serial Killer" into Google, you get results for the acclaimed Babylon Bee, which notes that the South Dakota Governor has "seen an unprecedented surge in approval rating among cats and serial killers". We'll get to cats momentarily.
Just because she killed a puppy, goat and a bunch of other animals doesn’t make her a serial killer. But at least Jeffrey Dahmer ate his victims. Just saying.
Another Dog/Domesticated Cat (5-1 Odds)
Cat overpopulation official solution in most of the U.S.: Trap, neuter and release. Cat overpopulation in Gov Noem’s neighborhood: Shoot once, shoot twice, skin, throw in gavel, write memoir.
“I hated that nasty Fluffy!”
Oh don’t get us started on another puppy please!
- Hans Peren, Gambling911.com
